Who Killed Princess Diana?

It is an event we will all remember. Years from now, when somebody asks, "Where were you when you heard that Diana was dead?", we will remember the place. Perhaps even more than the first Kennedy Assassination, this was an event which will be fixed in our minds forever.

The first person I spoke to after I heard the news said: "This was not an accident. Prince Charles has killed her."

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I disagreed. I did not think that Prince Charles has killed her. This led me to compose a list of people who might have wanted to kill Princess Diana. It is a long list. Unfortunately, it must be said that many people will be better off with Diana dead. Hardly anybody benefited with her alive, except for the photographers who made a living by selling pictures of her, the very people who will be charged with her death.

When she extorted tens of millions of dollars out of the British Royal Family in return for agreeing to divorce Prince Charles, it occurred to me that any woman who does that (and there are many who do) places herself in a position where it is financially advantageous to have her bumped off. I wonder if that thought ever crossed Diana's mind.

There are so many thousands of people who might have wanted to kill Diana that it would be impossible to compose a complete list. They range from Queen Elizabeth (who is probably the happiest to see her gone) down to the lowest punk rock star who might have believed that Diana gets all the publicity, depriving others of their fair chance at fame.

When the shock wears off, Diana will not be well or kindly remembered. Diana Spencer was born to great wealth, the daughter of one of the richest men in England. She acquired a taste for the most expensive clothing and the finest jewelry early in life. She needed to marry an extremely rich man in order to support her life style. To marry Prince Charles, she was medically tested and examined by a doctor and proven to be a virgin at age 19, but women who manage to hang on to their virginity until marriage often try to make up for that later on. Diana gladly accepted a million dollars to go on world wide television and tell that she had committed adultery, if only to get even with her philandering husband. In the last days of her life, Diana was photographed cavorting semi-naked with a Egyptian man, a fat, obese, playboy known for dating beautiful movie stars from Brooke Shields on down, a man with no positive qualities except for the fact that he happened to be the heir to one billion dollars. This finally made it obvious what many had long suspected, that Diana would go with any man, provided that he had enough money.

By all accounts, Prince Charles had not laid a finger on Diana for at least five or ten years. Prince Charles had long ago lost interest in her and could not have cared less who or what she screwed. He was probably just as happy to have some man take her off his hands. However, for her to be seen with this particular type of man, an extremely wealthy, stupid looking, fat guy, whose big deal in life was to publicly bed famous women and who obviously viewed Diana as his biggest score of all, must have been galling.

Here is the start of a list of people who might have killed Diana:

1. Prince Charles killed her, for obvious reasons.

2. Queen Elizabeth killed her, if only to save the millions of pounds which she was having to pay to Diana just to go away.

3. Almost any member of the British Royal Family or any admirer of the British Royal Family killed her.

4. A Member of Parliament killed her to save taxpayer's pounds.

5. The seven photographers who were chasing her on motorcycles at the time of her death killed her, knowing that a photograph of Diana dead would be worth more than a photo of Diana alive, and that all existing photos of Diana would greatly increase in value with her death.

6. A Black-Turbaned Ayatollah of Iran put out a fatwa against her and her boyfriend because she was a Christian woman fornicating with a Muslim man, in violation of the laws of the Koran.

7. God killed her to show the world what happens to a woman who commits adultery. See Deuteronomy 22:22

8. Diana killed herself and deserved to die because of her self-indulgent life style.

9. Her boyfriend's driver killed her.

10. One of her ex-lovers killed her because she would not give head. (Nobody has ever publicly stated whether Diana gives head or not. However, a woman who does not give head is clearly more likely to be killed by a frustrated lover than one who does.)

11. This was all part of a plot or conspiracy to kill her. The plan was that Diana alone would die. The plan went awry and the boyfriend and the driver were killed by accident.

.... The list goes on. I will add to this list as I receive suggestions, of which I am sure that there will be many, until we get down to the last item on the list, which will be:

1001. Princess Diana was killed in a car accident.

Anybody who wants to vote on this would be welcome.

Sam Sloan

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