Why only dead? Why only one adjective? Could Mr. Sloan not have written, "My assignment will be, as usual, to torture a living rat named Kirsan Ilyumzhinov and then toss him out as a completely dead and desiccated and rotting rat rather than merely *like* a dead rat."? And what about the word "rat"? Is there no more loathsome beast than a "rat"? What about a, ah, well, okay, uh, we will let the word "rat" stand, though we were thinking of a phrase such as "ebola infected pile of fly encrusted feces."
So, then, the issue of the hour is whether Mr. Sloan's softness has disqualified him for the post of FIDE representative. Not at all! The "ebola infected pile" candidate, which is myself, has no chance. The "rotting rat" candidate Larry Evans will not accept the post. So, we will have to settle for Ilyumzhinov ending up "like" a dead rat and firmly thrown out.
Therefore, I hereby nominate Samuel "Call Me Ishmael" Sloan as the next USCF FIDE delegate!
Yours, Larry Parr
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