I am wanting my child support and alimony for the past ten years. I am being forced to live in a mud hut in Nuristan and to tend afeem poppies and bhang plants for making bad things. I have been looking for my Ismail for years now but was not able to find you until a company in Amrika came to nuristan and said they had found a typing machine with telephone line called Compaq 2000. they are telling me that they received 700 bad mails a day about that machine. they ask me to tell you to update your thing to stop the bad mails.
I have been put to this work by right wing christian bad people who are telling me that i need to tend bhang plants and affeem poppies and satisfy the unholy desires of hectamayars mujahadeen warriors of light. they can do this and not suffer bad things because they are on a holy jihad and i am an infidel.
please do not put an update of me as a bad lady from afghanistan as you know the penalties here. i still have the chess game you gave me, but no one in hectamayars holy warriors knows how to play.
please help me ismail and send me my alimony.
your faithful wife,
honzagool
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HERE IS MY REPLY (which bounced back, because the reply to e-mail address was fake).
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Your letter is a wonderful joke.
I would be very, very happy if your letter were really from Honzagool.
The first thing she could do is go down to Lynchburg Virginia with some heavily armed men (who will be needed) and collect back her daughter, Shamema, who was kidnapped and is being raised by actual infidels.
Anyway, your letter is so obviously ridiculous (in consideration of the true situation) that it has put me in a good humor (even if that was not your intent).
Thank you for your letter,
Haji Mohammad Ismail Sloan
PS The real Honzagool was never known for being faithful.
PPS Gulbuddin Hetmatykar knows how to play chess.
PPPS Honzagool has been missing for 15 years, not for ten years.