Just Another Day in the Life of Sherman Kornwold

by Peter J. Sloan (age 13 years, 4 months)


Da' first bitch

It was just another day in the life of Sherman Kornwold. His mom cooked him a breakfast that his dog wouldn't eat. When he walked to school, he got laughed at by all the rich preppys who drove by in their shiny red convertibles. When he went into gym class, which was first period, he almost instantly got tackled by half of the Morganson high school senior football team. They gave him a wedgie until his underwear was shredded to bits, and the only parts of it still in his pants were crammed up his butt. That first class on Monday, June 11, 1986 seemed like an eternity. When Sherman heard the bell ring, he ran out of the room like there was no tomorrow, and that's when his life changed.
The Author of this Story

There he saw standing at the end of the 3rd floor hallway was Deborah Sims, probably one of the prettiest girls in the school. He thought he was standing still until he looked down. His legs were pulling him towards her, but even if he tried, he couldn't stop walking till he wasn't more than 2 feet away from Deborah.

When she looked at him she noticed that he was pulling bits of brown underwear out of his pants. She began to laugh hysterically, turned and ran away. Sherman (who was probably the only one in the hall at that moment that didn't notice he was picking his wedgie) saw her laughing at him as her way of flirting.

The following morning Sherman seemed to be in a daze. He didn't eat breakfast, or pack his book bag. He didn't even cry when his 4 year old sister attempted to annoy him as he was walking through the house. The only thing that mattered was seeing Deborah again. (The only reason he was dressed was because he didn't take off his cloths that night).

When he arrived at school he ignored all his friends. He just walked over to Deborah's locker, 342, and stood there waiting for her. He didn't show up to any classes or even go to the math bee, an event that he wouldn't miss for his life. He just stood there and waited for her to come by, in between each period. He had her combination memorized by the fourth period, and in between the fifth and sixth filled it with roses, but that was when she didn't show up. She didn't stop by again until the end of 8th. Sherman didn't know that instead of just not going to her those two times, she was out paying Sherman's best friend, Osborne Glinch to tell Sherman (at the end of the day) that a party was going to be held at Deborah's house that night.

When Sherman was told about the "party", he almost screamed with joy. He knew that the only way he could get Deborah's attention though was to go and crash the party, because for circumstances that Sherman currently knew nothing about, Sherman and Deborah's parents hated each other and had been quarreling for the past number of years.

When Sherman got home and explained everything to his mother, he was shocked to notice that after his mom talked privately to his father about it, she had approved of him going, and even helped get ready for the event. She gave Sherman one of his father's best suits to wear. Since Sherman and his father were about the same height, they shared each other's cloths often. His mom gave him a rose for his pocket and covered his face with skin cream. She said it was to try to hide his horrible case of acne as much as possible.

Sherman took car service to her house on 9514 Stimple Drive. He rung the door bell, and Deborah's brother answered. When he stepped in the door he realized that the house was completely empty except for Deborah's family and his best friend who was eating a peanut butter jelly sandwich in the next room. He walked over to Osborne and asked him where everyone was.

Instead of an answer his friend pulled out a 9mm and shot Sherman twice in the forehead.

When Sherman woke up he was in the middle of a freight yard surrounded by his own family again.

They pulled him up quickly and threw him in a limousine. His mom and dad both jumped into the car and began explaining too many things too fast. Sherman passed out again and the next thing he knew he was in his bedroom, but still surrounded by about a dozen men in large black jackets, and his mom.

She began to explain a really confusing story about how Deborah's parents were K.G.B. agents part of a special organization called S.P.L.A.T. Osborne's parents were also in this organization. It turned out that they all wanted Sherman and his parents dead because they were American spies, and had exposed one too many top secret files to the American gov'mt. By the time the Soviets had noticed, Sherman's family had already escaped to America and changed their name. A few years ago the Sims and the Glinch's simultaneously moved in and tried to make contact and get acquainted with Sherman's family. Sherman's dad, Rich Kornwold, began to get suspicious of them and broke off all contact with those two families. The only other way they could get to know the family was through their unsuspecting son, Sherman.

One of them ended up becoming Sherman's best friend, the other became the love of his life.

Then Sherman's mom went on to explain what had happened that night. The rose in Sherman's pocket was a micro-transmitter that let certain agents pick up everything that was said. The skin cream that was put on Sherman's face was bullet resistant and when hit by a bullet would only knock the victim unconscious. The cream in the area exposed to the bullet would also turn red, and appear to be blood.

Later on that night, Rich told Sherman that they needed him to come with them, so he could identify and make sure that the Secret Service doesn't go over and kill the wrong family.

When they arrived at the house, Osborne was just leaving the house. When he got halfway across the street, his dad's car went roaring by and sent Osborne flying 20 feet in the air. When his body thudded onto the concrete, his head split open like an egg. About ten seconds later, he was thrown into the trunk of the car by three huge men. His brains were kicked into the gutter by a fourth, and about seven guys came running by with huge buckets of water and had all the blood washed away in another 5 seconds. Since it was now 12:30 in the morning, not a person was around to see anything that happened. One of the 4 huge men slapped a silencer on his gun and put out the lamppost light. It hardly made a sound.

Five seconds later, the sidewalk was filled with 25 huge, towering men in black suits who swiftly knocked down the house's front door. Everything seemed so planned. In about another two seconds, all 4 members of the family were lying on the floor. They sprayed the two parents full of bullets almost immediately. Sherman told one of the men not to kill the girl, so they shoved her aside as they literally cut her brother in half with a machete. Deborah knew that if she did so much as breathe too hard, there would be a bullet in her brain, too.

Sherman checked a calendar in her bedroom to see if it had anything about her "clock" on it, and just as he had hoped, tomorrow was her day. Sherman told Deborah that if she didn't go to school the following day, he would have her hunted down like a dog.

Sherman went downstairs and felt himself smiling when he saw that they were feeding the remains of the 4 mutilated corpses (including the one from the trunk) to their faithful watchdogs.

When Sherman arrived at school the next morning, he was almost sure that Deborah wasn't going to come. He arrived at school at 6:00 in the morning with a couple of his friends to help get his plan of revenge ready. While walking to Deborah's locker, he passed by what he thought was now the second most beautiful girl in the school.

Sherman stopped dead in his tracks and turned. Since the girl was new to boys, she thought that Sherman was the most gorgeous guy she had ever seen.

The girl's name was Lucile MacIntosh. They both took each other's hand, ran into the girls bathroom, and made love in the shower for about an hour.

When they were done for the time being, Sherman told Lucile that he wanted to get back at an old girlfriend who ruined his life. Of course, he was lying, but not a person in the world would believe the truth.

When Deborah arrived at school right on time, she ran into her normal crowd of friends. She tried to act normal, and her act was working. Sherman kept walking back and forth past Deborah. He was trying to spook her, and it was working.

Deborah began to stutter and soon wasn't talking at all. She ran off into the girls' gym room just as the bell rang. The halls cleared out instantly and everything was just like a normal day. Deborah was trying to get a tampon out of her locker because she was about to have her period. She ran out into the hall and tried to get out of the building, but the doors were all locked.

She began to run in circles and was holding her legs together as hard as she could. Since Sherman had cleared the tampons out of her locker, she was doomed. When the first trickle of blood ran down her leg, she ran over to the bathroom, but Sherman had locked those doors too. Deborah began to scream as the blood ran down her leg like a river. In about a minute, the hall was filled with students who were either laughing, pointing, or staring in disbelief.

Sherman talked about Lucile to his friends for the whole lunch period. Some of his friends were teasing him about how he was going crazy over Lucile. A kid from the table next to them heard what Sherman was saying and began to really make fun of him, but that didn't last long; he was dead by the 7th period.

When Sherman got home that afternoon he felt like a new man, but once again his parents grabbed him and told him that Lucile's parents were also new recruits that just moved into town about a month ago. Sherman was shocked beyond belief. His parents had just told him that he had to go and shoot dead the girl he loved.

Sherman cared for Lucile too much. He wouldn't do it. The next morning Sherman told Lucile what was going on. It turned out that Lucile was sent by her parents to do the same thing to Sherman. They both put their heads together. Since the whole situation began to sound like something a boy named Peter Sloan would do for an English report, they went to their English teacher and asked him what would usually happen in a story like this. The English teacher said it sounded like a revised version of Romeo and Juliet, and that in a story like this, the boy and the girl would go and kill themselves.

Since they both thought that was a stupid idea, they decided to kill him. They simply shoved the leg of a folding chair into his mouth, and kept on pushing until the leg came out of the back of his head.

While explaining the story to the teacher ( Mr. Hansworf ) Lucile mentioned that another boy had proposed to her, and her parents seemed overjoyed about it, but Lucile wouldn't marry a man named Leonardo Vachingrass the third, if you shot her. The only thing they could really do was kill everyone they knew that would know anything about what their parents were, including their parents themselves.

They started off by stopping by the house of the boy that proposed to Lucile and killing him and his family. The only thing they really had a problem with there was shooting their dog. It just wouldn't stay still when it saw its masters' brains get blown all over his $14,000 dollar Oriental rug.

They stepped out of the house, killing some idiot working at a BMW car dealership, and since Lucile learned to drive at the age of five, was able to take them to any location they wanted to go. They didn't live far from each other (5 1/4 blocks) so they stopped the car at Sherman's house. Lucile split, and promised to be back in 20 minutes.

Sherman entered the house and shot the one Secret Service officer that was guarding the house at the time. Since Sherman's gun was out of bullets he went into the living room and took the axe off the rack that was sitting above the fire place. His mom, who was as fat as a cow as usual, now had a huge straight gash in the top of her skull. Since the tuna had gotten blood on it, Sherman couldn't eat it any more.

His dad wasn't home, but Sherman didn't care. There would have to be someone left alive at the end that would buy everyone coffins.

When Sherman stepped out the door, Lucile was already back. Sherman said to her, "Shoot me" and she did but this time there was no noxema skin cream to stop the bullet. Lucile raising the gun was the last thing Sherman remembers. It turned out that the whole thing with Lucile was a setup.

Leonardo Vachingrass the 3rd and his parents were all American agents. Lucile made the whole thing up about the proposal just so she could get Sherman to help her kill them. Then when Lucile left, she never did go and kill her parents. She just went out and got an ice cream. She never shot herself after shooting Sherman either. Looks like the Russians won that time. I don't really care. I'm just a convict on death row that writes these stories to get a little fame before I fry.


Peter is now a rated chess expert and plays chess under the name of " Peter Aravena." For More About Peter J. Sloan