Mayor Giuliani cuts funds for public health clinics

Due to the Enlightened Leadership of Our Beloved Fascist Dictator, in a wise move to save taxpayer dollars, Mayor Rudy Giuliani has reduced the number of doctors available at New York City Public Health clinics.

For the past at least two weeks, only one doctor has been available at the STD clinic in Brooklyn, that to service a city of four million. That doctor can only see 50 patients per day.
Mayor Rudy Giuliani
Mayor Rudy Giuliani

As a result, disease infested New Yorkers have had to sit at home and suffer, or they can go to the Emergency Room of one of the New York City hospitals, as a result of which they will receive a bill for more than $200. Mayor Giuliani has recently increased the fees for emergency room visits.

The reason I know all this is that for the past two weeks I have been going to the Public Health Clinic on Flatbush Avenue near Willoughby Street, or to the clinic at Ninth Avenue and 28th Street in Manhattan.

Although the publicly advertised hours for both of these clinics is 8:30 AM until 4:30 PM, in practice they run out of numbers by about 12:30 noon and patients who come after that time cannot be seen.

Today, I arrived there at 12:50 PM at the same time as a young black man who told the nurse that he had puss dripping from the end of his dick. We were both told that the numbers had all been given out and to come back tomorrow.

We both protested, he a bit more loudly than I, and we were told to go so see Cindy Williams, the Clinic Manager, (718) 643-8351.

We did so, and Cindy told us that she would give us numbers provided that we agreed to call her superiors and complain about the fact that her clinic had been assigned only one doctor.

She gave us the number (212) 788-4423 and told us to speak to Mr. Sebiyam, Ms. Debra Benson or Mr. Rubin.

I later called the number and found out that they were not in.

So, I want all of you to call that number and tell Mr. Sebiyam, Ms. Debra Benson or Mr. Rubin that you have got VD infected puss dripping from the end of your dick and you want a personal meeting with Mayor Rudy Giuliani to put him in contact with your views on this pressing subject.

By the way, just some good news. I finally got to see Dr. Loubaton and he told me that I do not have an STD at all. What I actually have is "jock itch"? After he explained how this occurs, I recognized that this comes from driving a taxi. I have noticed that when I drive a taxi for one of my usual 48-hour stints, the itch becomes progressively worse. Dr. Loubaton explained that this comes from sweating and the cure is to keep the groin area dry.

He gave me medicine: Mycelex, or clotrimazole cream.

I had always believed that this was something I caught from my ex-girlfriend, Passion Julinsey (the one who claims that she never had sex with me) but now I make the connection that after Passion left me I started driving a taxi, and this would explain why I broke out with this not long after she left me.

Sam Sloan

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