Here are a few common jokes

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well, son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night he hears his baby brother crying so he gets up to check on him. He finds the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replied "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."


The Priest's Rooster

A priest in a small rural town was very fond of the ten chickens and one handsome cock he kept in a hen house behind the rectory.

One Saturday night the priest discovered that the rooster was missing.

At the same time the priest heard rumors of cockfights being held in town.

Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something during Sunday Mass.

During Mass he asked the congregation, "Who among you will confess to sporting a handsome cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said. "That's not what I mean. Who among you will confess to having seen a handsome cock?"

All the women stood up.

"Oh, no," he said. "That's not what I mean, either. Who among you will confess to having seen a cock that doesn't belong to you?"

Half the women stood up.

"Oh Lord," he said. "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen my cock?"

All the choirboys stood up.


IRISH CONFIDENCE

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"

"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub-that makes 8!"

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back.

"Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."

Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke."

"Really?!" said Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day.

"Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Ted's ultra-light with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."

"Faith and begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back.

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day.

"Right Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy "We've all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."


It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, "Fuck him!... Give him a dollar." ...The breakfast was my idea."


THE PASTOR'S ASS A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third.

The next day the local paper carried this headline:

PASTOR'S ASS SHOWS

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars. The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

Objectivist humor: THE PASTOR'S DONKEY


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